Are You Ready To Heal Your Relationship With Money?

The Chronicles of Elizabeth ~ Episode 5 ~ Are You Ready To Heal Your Relationship With Money?

In keeping with the money theme, Elizabeth talks to me today about her money!

“What is going on, Elizabeth? Your energy seems a little low. Are you OK?”

“Today, I am feeling a little strange. I can’t quite put my finger on it.”

“What triggered you feeling this way?”

“My girlfriend’s father passed away. Her mother passed away about two months ago and her father just gave up and died a couple of weeks ago. So I took some food over to my girlfriend’s this weekend because I wanted to just spend time with her and, you know, be a good friend. I felt sad because I know that I will have to face my parents making their own transition one of these days.”

“Are your parents OK?”

“Yes, they are fine and in good health. They are pretty independent but they are getting older and I think about it.”

“I can understand you being reminded about how short life is.”

“Yes, that is exactly how I feel. And something else….”

“Yeah?”

“Well, Margo, my girlfriend, said that it felt surreal that her parents actually died completely debt free. She did not know much about her parent’s finances but she knew the house was paid off. Their winter condo in Florida paid off. Their cars paid off. Then she found out that they did not have a penny in credit card debt. They were working class people yet they lived debt free and kept a healthy inheritance for all their kids. They planned even their funerals. They had life insurance in place and everything.”

“OK? That is nice. And?”

“They even had tons of money in savings. Well, if I died today, everybody has to be paid. My school loans, my mortgage, my car, my credit cards, people I know, my parents, my siblings. I kinda owe everybody some money.”

“Is this about money or about parents dying?”

“Both. I guess….”

“Well, money is our constant companion here on planet earth right? For as long as we are alive?”

“Yes! I guess I will be done with money when I die.”

“That is one way of looking at it.”

“You have a lot of debt?”

“Well, let us not talk about that. Anyway, back to my parents. I mean, they are ok. But, I don’t know…….”

(Long Pause)

“Elizabeth, may I make an observation?

“Yes.”

“Look at what happened here. You started off saying you felt bad about the death of your friend’s dad.  Then you talked about money and how they were debt free and I asked you if you wanted to talk about that. You promptly shut down and started to talk about your parents but you really could not get into that conversation. So I would venture to say that maybe it would be beneficial for us to talk about money. Would you be open to talking about money?”

“Well, I guess so…..”

“OK, Listen, I want you to know that I am a safe person to discuss money with. Not because I have any great wisdom or power over money but I have been there.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes, I have been there. I have had and continue to have my own money issues. However, I have dealt with them and continue to deal with them. Look at it this way. A person’s relationship with money is like marriage. I am happily married. I love my husband and I know he loves me. However, we do argue. Many times we do not see eye to eye about many things yet we are happy together. We continue to work on our marriage. If we stopped working on it for any extended period of time, I believe the marriage would end.”

“Ok, I am lost. What has that got to do with money.”

[Laughs] “You got lost that fast, huh?”

“Well, yeah! All of a sudden, I feel like I have brain fog or something…..”

“Breathe. Take three deep breaths and center yourself. Talking about money does not mean the end of the world.”

[breathing together]
“Ok, I think I can handle this….”

“Of course you can. I just want you to notice your brain fog when the subject of money comes up.”

“OK. What now? Brain fog means what?”

“I believe your brain fog is a result of not feeling safe and feeling over stimulated. How does not sound to you?”

“Hmmmm….It feels right.”

“What can you do right now to contain your thoughts?”

“Well, I instinctively feel to curl up under a blanket.”

“Well, that is your inner being asking for security and comfort. A blanket is the a very old symbol of security. When babies come into the world, they want to be swaddled in a soft cotton blankie. They love being wrapped up. It is the next best thing to being safe and secure in your mother’s womb. You are adult and you are safe. Right now. Right here.”

“Hmmm….. Just hearing your voice say that feels so soothing to me.”

“Enjoy the image, the picture in your mind and learn to listen to your body’s messages to you about what you need such as security and safety.”

“But a blanket is not security! “[Sigh]

“Yes and no. It does represent security. Your issues around money come from a very old place, something probably in your childhood. That is why your first instinct is to grab a blanket. That is a comforting thing to the kid in you that got programmed as a child.”

“Programmed?”

“Yes, programmed. We will talk more about programming another time but I want you to begin to think of your brain like a computer. You were programmed as a child and every day you reinforce the old programming or you take on new programming. Would you be open to some homework around this issue?”

“Yeah!, Sure why not.”

“What I would like you to do is to write an autobiography.”

“An autobiography?”

“Yes, a money autobiography.”

“Wow! A money autobiography?”

“Yes, Wow. That really sounds like a lot of work.”

“Elizabeth, you know the foundational truths upon which we operate here.”

“Yeah, Yeah, Yeah! The Universe is friendly so when we feel resistance, get curious about the resistance because on the other side of it is a gift. OK fine. It’s all about luuuuuuuv.”

[laughs] “Look, you are really doing well. You have had a couple of sessions with me. You are having epiphanies and insights. And you have had this huge brain fart today which is a lovely sign. Just sit with the assignment and let it percolate in the back of your head. And let us see what comes up. Nothing has to come up but if it does, I am here for you.”

“Yeah, that was a lovely brain fart!”

“By the way, you can join in on my free community call this week. The subject is ‘Heal your Money Relationship.’”

“Hmmm…. I like that. I have never thought of money as something I have a relationship with. That makes me think…..”

“Yes, that is why I used the marriage metaphor earlier. Our interaction with money is relational and we have to go back to some basics with that.”

“OK, I am looking forward to the call.”

“Thank you.”